One Year of My Muslim Heart

Adam Muhammed with you again. I hope all of my readers are doing well.

These words are to mark a whole year of my legal conversion to Islam - Al hamdo lillah.

The journey from Adam Jones to Adam Muhammed was much more enormous than just changing a name. No one really talks about these struggles inside the person himself or herself during this transformation. There is a sort of golden wrapping over it that people see and talk about. Islam is not about only prayers and fasting. It is a whole lifestyle change and changing a single habit in adulthood is difficult even, what about changing many many things in a person's life altogether? Conflicts and confusions are many in this way and they are mostly inside us.

I am lucky not only to get this way of light but also to have companions who understand my struggles deeply. Al hamdo lillah. Training a child may be a bit easy but training an adult for the basic matters of life is difficult and somewhat non-rewarding. You do your best and then see little things happen.

I like to thank my teacher for the plenty of patience and dedication that she has shown me.

I have no idea how and what will be those words that may do justice to thank all of my teachers. They re-trained my minor to major habits in a very artistic way like painting a new picture without spoiling the old one.

Over this year I got a lot and I am amazingly overwhelmed when I look back to all the blessings over 12 months. Despite all the hardships, they were the best 12 months of my life. Hoping for more to come in sha Allah.

Just want to summarise a few points I learned that might help my fellows to feel better and improve together with me.

The first thing I taught was salah (prayer). I learned that it is the primary mode of connection to our Rab. The most essential of all the worship.

I was taught that all acts of worship have a major aim behind them and we need to understand that and fulfill for sure, alongside practicing the act. For example the salah. Prayer aims to:

1) Correct our focus (towards ALLAH subhanahu wa ta’ala) and

2) Making our lives disciplined. (We need to get up for prayer when it is called for and so we need to plan our day around our five prayers in an intelligent way).

When we pray, we make ourselves in connection with ALLAH and also in uniformity with all the creatures of ALLAH. We become His obedient creatures as all others. As ALLAH said, every one of His creatures says tasbeeh and knows their way of praying.

Then the aesthetic month of Ramadan came. Fasting has two main aims :

1) Taqwa - be conscious of ALLAH as no one else can control you and for no one else you sacrifice your eating, drinking, emotions, anger, and desires.

2) Sabr- for the sake of greatest mercy.

Fasting was not new for me but the spirits and energy of that month amazed me at another level.

Islam is a lifestyle so it does not only correct us in our worship activities but also each one of our general life activities.

I learned to forgive and forget by turning a new page forward and going ahead in life with positive emotions. Before Islam, I never thought things could be changed by only thinking differently, to this extent.

I was taught, how those negative thoughts suck our energies, take an example of ego. The subtle hurts of the heart begin from minor reasons and run a long long way with us, to drain our beautiful moments. Over time, those reasons diminish but a part of our heart builds a great wall of ego between the relationships. All baseless indeed.

I had an elder brother from another mother before my mom married my father. We had a beautiful memorable childhood together. Later on in life, on something not so big we got into an argument and we did not meet each other for years. Deep inside we miss each other. I never thought to go to him before my Islam but when I taught this ayah in our class.

I thought to go and meet him and turned over that page. Believe me that happy and cool feeling in my chest is difficult to explain when I hugged my brother after so many years. I told him my ALLAH sent me to him and the wall of ego is not bigger than the urge to obey my Rab. It is amazing. May ALLAH keep our hearts joined together with our families and extended family of all Muslims.

I read the Quran before even I got Islam but studying it with the mindset of understanding and obeying is lovely. When we read it intending to submit, it enlightens our days and nights. This light is real and you can easily feel it in your life. The difference between light and dark is huge indeed.

I went on my Umrah journey and literally, my teacher told me about each and every step in detail repeatedly. I asked a thousand questions and confusions, got the answer to each one in detail more than once, with so much patience. At travel time, I was told something that I will never forget so, I like to share it here;

“Do not waste a second of it, be thankful, live and avail every moment, and value this greatest chance you are getting”. I tried my best to do that and valued every moment in the effort to clean up all my past bugs. When I saw Ka'aba Al Mashrafa I forgot the whole world and whatever it contains. It was like a dream and difficult to believe for a person like me.

It is a glance at the first year of the journey toward a better Muslim.

May all of us get our happy destination near to our Rab in our real lives. Ameen.