Training Our Own Reactions

The best gift we get for our lifetime is our training for which we always remain thankful to our parents whatever good habits they made in our initial training period, bless us for a long time.

ALLAH as our loving Rab gives us the best guidance in the Quran to train ourselves to be better humans and better momin. Not only this but He sent a perfect human example to us as our Prophet Muhammad ﷺ who was best in his morals and day-to-day behaviours.

Self-training and improving ourselves over time through our own learning efforts is something ALLAH loves us to do, especially when we do it only for ALLAH. Let’s help ourselves and others to be good Muslims to rise and shine as a moderate and balanced Ummah.

Most of the people among us are busy and have demanding jobs. Time is a precious entity for all busy people. Research says the most time wasting happens when our brain gets upset and is unable to focus on work rather it focuses on something least important & more disturbing. Sometimes it is rude talk that we listen to or face or talk. Interestingly, science has agreed that listening to rude talk (as a non-target person) is less destructive than facing it, and facing rude talk (as a target person) is less destructive than talking about it.

The next valid question is how to prevent it. Let me say it’s not an easy task. Many of us tried calming ourselves on some heated moments but simply we can’t. It’s really easy to read an article on anger management etc but what we call rude talk is not always a part of anger, it can be a habit, it can be otherwise, and just a reaction. Our talk today is the part of speech called ’ Reaction.’

So, as we saw in this illustration, it is not looking simple. Not at all.

If I deepen my understanding of the “Science of Reaction” my knowledge may increase but the target will not be achieved. So, let’s ask our focus question. How to deal with a reaction? It can be a reaction (answer/response) to a heated conversation, verbal abuse, or something unexpected and sudden, what to do when such things happen. What is called an appropriate response?

The most important is to 1. let it pass!! pass that moment, the solution is: Experts say: count 1,2,3,4,5,6. Once you get this in practice, you can use that moment more fruitfully as saying Allahu Akbar 5 times. The benefit of it will be twofold, one is to pass that moment and the second one is to remind you that Big is only ALLAH and you are not.

2. Name your emotion is a good idea before showing any reaction, isn't it better to be clear about what you say, in yourself before giving it away to another person? That hazy thoughts and feelings in situations of possible bursts are always better to be clear. Ask yourself clearly, what you feel, angry, sad, embarrassed, disappointed, or something else.

The next step is 3. to express, now if you feel it’s good to express at this time, do express it, better to be as much in a polite way as possible. The time you have taken already will at least calm down that bursting danger.

Now it's okay both to express if appropriate or delay it for anytime sooner if you feel appropriate. but the need for expression is always there, 4. Don't collect your emotions in the backyard of your brain, it is an even greater red flag than you have just avoided and will be a bigger bomb burst. Do express your disagreement, anxiety, and objection in the softer possible way. Balance of emotion is the target to achieve with time and practice but the least expected is to 5. avoid shouting at any cost. Do you know what our Loving Rab said about the loud voices, in the Quran? It is said in Surat Al Luqman which pictures the absolutely beautiful advice of a wise father to his son, in words of ALLAH subhanahu ta’ala. The beauty of guidance at its best, Alhamdulillah.

Since now in this exercise, the time of rage has passed and you are a bit cooler now, the brain has started again to work, Alhamdulillah. So remember when you rethink the whole scenario, 6. give space to yourself and others in front. Give an equal chance to both sides as humans. Humans are emotional machinery and can err, can be right or wrong at any time, and are made of mud an extract of clay. Did you see the mud, if you write something on it, it can be erased with some work, it can be reshaped, and can be made new several times. Why can’t we be made of mud humans, 7. own our emotions with responsibility, and try to forgive ourselves and others with a kind heart. Why do we forget at every heated conversation or tough time, before being unkind that we belong to and are made up by the Loving Hands of ar Rahman and ar Raheem whose kindness is His first introduction?

Last but not least is also very important for a peaceful mind. 8. Relieve the stress every day, don't collect this garbage in your precious brain, this brain is to collect valuables like the love of ALLAH, remembrance of ALLAH and His Book & ultimately love of humanity.

So, Muslims have this unique wonderful opportunity to channel and relieve emotional stresses 5 times a day in salat, Stand in front of ALLAH, forget everything else, practice the best possible mindfulness, and focus on "I am standing in front of my loved ones and Kind Rab" alhamdulillah, best feeling ever and it is the best form of meditation.

At the end of the salat meeting, do prayers, ask help from ALLAH, ask Him to be a better one who loves all humans, cry out your anxieties in front of that Ghaffar uz zunoob (forgiver of sins) and Sattar ul Ayoob (hide to all faults) Rab. He is definitely there to help.